Phew! Results are in!!

First, I have to say that I really wish people wouldn't feel the need to tell me what they think may happen. Leave it to the doctors.

The report:

"your estrogen level has continued to go up nicely. You were at 585 today (from 193 on Wednesday). There are no measurable follicles, however there are lots and lots of follicles, we are just unable to measure them at this time. Go ahead and continue taking your Gonal F at 225 your Menapur at 75 and your Luperon at 10. Come in Sunday for more blood work and another ultrasound"!

I feel TONS better about that. Just a roller-coaster. So, more to report on Sunday!

Friday a.m. appointment

I am a little nervous after speaking with the nurse following my appointments. I have > 10 follicles on my left ovary and >10 on my right…..but, none of measurable size. She said they aren't "sprouting". So, when I told her that I wouldn't have enough Gonal F - to make it through Sunday, the nurse wrote me another perscription for another 900 unit Gonal F pen. ($650). The crappy part was that she said they may decide to "totally restart the cycle"….????? Um…what's that mean? She said that they may decide to stop all medication right now, let me finish out this cycle. And START OVER FROM THE VERY BEGINNING next month. So…..it would be $1850 down the drain in medication and 40 needle sticks for nothing. She said that they may try to get more follicles right off the bat next time. Um…..I didn't think that 20 follicles was bad!!
So, we'll see. Have to call into the "special" number to get my "special" message this afternoon.

Phew

Okay.....I was wrong.....nice surprise, the refill only came to $650. I was confused and thought it was the price of all the stuff we originally bought.

So......hopefully this "boosts" things up and double hopefully we won't even need to use all of the second 900 pen.

Results

Well.....I waiting on pins and needles for most of the day, pulling out my trustycalendar and doing scenarios in my head of when we'd get to retrieve and transfer.....but alas, I guess I am a slow responder. My estradiol level is at 193 which is kind of low. They like to see it higher than that so they are boosting my Gonal-F dosage from 150 to 225 every night. That means that instead of getting through the 900 pen ($1,100) and only needing another 300 pen (400.00) we need to go through another 900 before our transfer. So, another $1,100 vs. $400.......and....most likely a refill on the Luperon - not to mention the second half of our drugs that we haven't yet picked up. The antibiotics, the progesterone, and the Trigger shot. Phew.....I know, I know....I'm a downer. So, we are potentially back into the week of the 9th for our transfer.....I was actually hoping to get in THIS WEEKEND for our retrieval and early next week for the transfer......but.....that's what I get for being slow. I guess my ovaries have decided to take a page from my book and be procrastinators!!

So, I am back in for bloods and an ultrasound on Friday. Hopefully I'll have made up for being a slow starter and we'll be right back on track!???

First blood tests today

Kind of excited for our results......we'll have a much better idea today of when we'll be able to move on to the next step. They'll need to tell us how much of our medications we need to refill (gives us an idea of how many more days) and we'll set up our follicle tracking ultrasound.....they had said the other day, possibly Friday. Perhaps we'll be able to trigger Friday night and have our retrieval on Sunday.....if not, it will be first part of next week! Hum....so much for it "dragging on"......I'll keep you posted!

And now I am a pin-cushion

Feels All Alone in Here

Where's "in here"? My head of course. Unfortunately, this is one of those things where people can't say, "I understand what you mean", or "here's my experience", or it would be nice to hear, "this is what you can expect next".....instead, I have these all consuming thoughts of what I (we) are going through and I just feel lost in my head. Yes, husbands are great, and yes, they sit and patiently watch as you give yourself your daily injections of "raging hormones" and in some cases, they help out and do the shots for you (thanks for the raging hormones). But, just kidding the other night after John asked how one of my more unpleasant shots went, I said, "I think you should take one of these syringes and inject something into yourself". Half kidding, but half serious too. Thanks honey for being so kind and understanding and patient, but "It" went as well as can be expected.

I guess that I feel a bit like an outcast. No one that I know (personally) has struggled with infertility, and have had to go down this long, involved, complicated, and emotional road. They don't know what questions to ask and they really can't relate as everyone I know has been able to conceive naturally, and in some cases, without trying. I am NOT going to begrudge any of my beloved friends or family, but sometimes, it was hard to sit by and watch them celebrate their joys while we struggled, but this is hard on an entirely different level.......

Hum.....need to do something to pull out of this "funk".....how about the 10 ten things to never tell a couple experiencing infertility?


1. You must be having lots of fun trying!
????? Really? Timed intercourse at certain times on certain days is fun?

2. I don't agree with artificial reproduction....if God wanted you to be a parent, it would have
happened naturally.
I'm glad you put your trust in God, but I think if he knew how you'd raise those naturally
conceived children, he wouldn't have given them to you.

3. So, what's the cause of infertility?
You tell me doc, you're the professional (no joke).

4. Have you thought of a surrogate?
Are you volunteering?

5. Have you read (insert book title)? I learned so much about my cycle.......
Girlfriend, I have an intimate relationship with my cycle (along with about 4 doctors who
regularly stick their heads up my "woo who") - ain't nothing a book is going to teach me.

6. Oh, so are you going to end up with like 8 babies?
Um, no. Where were you when we did 4 cycles of IUI? That's where multiples come from.
As Teresa would say (Desperate Housewives of New Jersey) "Pay Attention"!

7. I know of this one couple who.......
Yes, yes, I know.....your second cousins - first born child had a - neighbor who used to - work
with someone that - had a friend that..........

8. Have you thought about adoption?
Have YOU thought about adoption?

9. You're young yet!
Yes, and I'd like to get pregnant while I am "still young yet". Nothings a guarantee - we
aren't willing to waste another 5 years "waiting" for something to happen. We'd like to have
more than 1 child.

10. It will happen when you stop trying
If planning a wedding, selling a house, buying a house, hosting a Holiday, and taking two
vacations doesn't "take our mind off of it", please - pray tell - what will?

Our "collection" thus far

This is just the first 1/2 of our medication. We'll have another injection pen after this along with a HCG shot, suppositories, and antibiotics.

Oh How Things Can Change

So, after the disappointing news from the Clinic the other day, we had resigned ourselves to the fact that we were now three weeks away from our goal instead of two (not to mention, we'd be able to each collect another paycheck before we had to purchase our next round of medication). Then as I called in with my updates yesterday they say, "would you like me to check with the doctors to see if you can start you next rounds of medications tonight instead of waiting until next Friday?" Um......okay.......I was told the day prior that that wasn't an option. Once again, I am confused with conflicting information, but what the heck, I said, "that would be great"! So.....three hours and $1,100.00 later we were able to start on our stimulating drugs. Whooo Hoooo!! So.....I guess that means we are back in the ball park to have our retrieval the first week in August.

These medications are a bit more work....especially the one that we have to put a special cap on to mix. We have to take liquid from one vial and put it into another vial that contains disolvable tab.....then has a different cap for injection. AND that one STINGS! The other medication is in a pen. Again with a weird cap on it, but at least that one we just dial to the dosage we need and in it goes. All of these are belly shots.....only one will be in the muscle.....not looking forward to that. So, yeah for us! One step closer.

And so it starts.......

SOOO Frustrating! Our first round of disappointing news. Went in for blood work and an ultrasound this morning so that we could add on our next round of injections tomorrow and we were denied. We now need to continue on the Luperon injections until next Friday when we add in the additional two injections. Just really bummed.....another week of waiting, and another week of useless shots. If I had been able to start on the other meds tomorrow, I wouldn't have to go and purchase additional medication which I don't need. Brutal. So, instead of having our retrieval on the 31st, it now looks like it will be the 8th. So now we won't find out if it's successful until a week and a half before our beach trip....that will really be a great trip if we've just gotten bad news.

Oh well. Discouraged has long been the name of the game for us.

Well this is my first post as "the other Fallon" I agree with Beth that I wish things moved faster. It feels like we made the decision to move ahead with IVF months ago. Patience has never been my strong suit, just ask Beth. That being said I am at least trying to enjoy the journey. We know that in the end it will be worth it, as the saying goes "sometimes the juice is worth the squeeze". We appreciate all of the support we have received from our family and friends.

So Slow?

So far so good. No tears, outbursts, mood swings, appitite changes or any other major changes that I can tell from the medications. I am surprised at how SLOW I feel this is going. It's not that I am impatient, it's just that there are A LOT of steps! We basically started this process the day that we had our tests and then subsequently, started on the first medication, so that would be back on June 26!! Now, it's close to a month later and we have almost another month from there. There's not much more to report, I have to go in for blood work and an ultrasound on Thursday, and we'll know more from there. The two medications I am on right now are supposed to "put my overies to sleep".....not sure what they'll be checking for (perhaps my overies need to be in the REM cycle?) but I do know that 1. they said that I'll probably have to have 2 or 3 ultrasounds (every other day) before they see the results they desire to add on the next medication (hyperstimulating drugs) and 2. the next medication is always started on a Friday. So, most likely we'll be starting the next med on the 30th. I'm very confused as to what happens after the appointment on Thursday, I think I just do what they tell me to on a daily basis.
We'd like to thank everyone for their support, not only for following the blog, but for your concern, care, comments, and love. More to come!

Reflections on Men vs. Women

Day 2! So far so good. These shots haven't been bad at all. The needles are small enough and I have lot's of belly flab to be sticking so that's a positive! LOL. Seriously though, I haven't experienced any anxiety over the shots and I don't look like a human pin cushion yet….but there's time for that once I start on the 3 shots a day.
I've been thinking a lot on the differences between men and women and how they handle situations. For example, take this whole infertility fiasco. The place where I used to work, several of the men I worked with went through IVF. The bizarre part was, one day they decided to do it, then the next time you heard anything about it, they were having the baby! At the time, it was easy enough to just take the situation at face value, "oh, they don't say anything about it, must not be that big of a deal". Going through it myself, I really feel for their wives…..if only they could be as nonchalant about the process as their seemingly insensitive husbands had been. I know that for John and I, we get the situation in its entirety and I know that were anyone to ask John about it, he wouldn't be like, "it's no big deal". He would most likely say something along the lines of, "it's involved, complicated, stressful, expensive, and I am thankful to my wife because she's bearing the brunt of the whole process"…..and the more I think about seeing the reactions of those men in the past, it makes me even more thankful for the man that I've married….I don't feel like I'm going through this alone at all. Granted, I am the one sticking needles in my body and having multiple surgeries…..but he's there with me, and he is sensitive, and I am grateful for him every day. But I also know that when we do have our children, my husband won't be one of the "I can't have drinks, I have to babysit tonight", my husband will be one of the, "I can't golf, I have to parent tonight". I've got a keeper!
Exciting weekend coming up! Tonight we are having dinner with some close friends…..kind of a bon voyage for them as the husband has accepted a transfer and our good friends (with their adorable 3 little boys) will be moving to Wisconsin…..very sad. But, then on Saturday we are going to pick up our nephew Andy and spend the night with him!! Very exciting….we love our nieces and nephews….no matter they be close or far away (which most of them are).

Offical Day 1 of "Operation Make Fallon Baby"

I honestly don't even know where to begin…..overwhelmed doesn't seem to be a strong enough word for how our day was yesterday. So much information coming at us all at once. Learning how to do several different shots, how to mix them, how much to administer, where to give them, what days to give which ones, morning or night?, etc. And at the end of the day, we only have our schedule mapped out to the 22nd of July….we had hoped to find out for sure what our retrieval dates and transfer dates would be, but it will be dependent upon ultrasounds and bloodwork along the way. It was a lot of information to process and once we got over the gut dropping experience of finding out how much this is all going to cost, we got right in line to fill the first of our prescriptions. I'll have to take a photo of all the needles and vials and our calendar.
I can tell you, that we will most likely have our harvest and potentially our transfer the first week of August so we do have an end in sight…..I am just really hoping and praying that it works the first time. I can't wait to just FINALLY be pregnant.
This has been a long, frustrating road. It's really interesting when you tell people what you are going through and no one really understands the situation. I can't tell you how many people, even those closest to us say, "you're trying too hard", "when you stop trying, it'll happen", "you're young yet", "oh, all this that you are going through will be worth it in the long run". Just one time I would love for someone to not have any witty remarks or advice for us. Just someone to listen and be understanding and sympathetic. We don't expect people to solve our problems, we are doing that on our own, we just expect people to support us. We don't need anyone to recommend any books to us, and yes, I know my body more than any normal woman probably ever will, so thank you.
So….Here we are! On our way…today is officially Day 1 of Operation Make Fallon Baby!!
We'd also like to take a moment to thank our one and only follower for their support….oh wait, it's John!! Thanks darling!!

Big appointment tomorrow!

Well, tomorrow is our 1/2 day IVF orientation....and really, I haven't stopped long enough to think about it and go, "WOW!! We are doing invitro"! So, it's pretty overwhelming, and it just seems like everythings been progressive up to this point. Always one more shot, one more doctor appointment, one more procedure, one more negative test, one more cycle, one more new treatment.....for over 12 months now. I am fairly confident in saying that we aren't "jumping the gun" by doing IVF...but there's always that part of me that's thinking, "maybe the next time would have worked". The irrational part of me says that.

So, needless to say, anyone who knows me well, knows that I've spent countless hours on the computer doing research. I've looked at everything from how the procedure works, to looking up sample calendars, to reading through other peoples journey with infertility and treatments eventually leading to IVF. It's been reassuring, but at the same time, I also know I need to remain objective and remember that it may not work the first time. We are praying that we get a good number of eggs and that a fair amount make it to the Blastocyst stage so we have options for our future.

So, by big appointment tomorrow I mean that we are going to be getting our COMPLETE IVF calendar! That means we'll know when we start shots, what day for what shots, how many shots per day, what days to go in for ultrasounds and bloodwork, what day to go in for egg retrieval, and ultimately, what day our transfer will take place. We should know tomorrow what date to look toward to take our test to find out once again, "if it worked".